Worlds Collide

Last week we had dinner with some newly-made friends and the subject of politics came up. We found out what each other's viewpoint was, and then when we realized that they were opposite of each other, we simply moved on to other topics and we continued to have a good time hanging out and talking.

I have some other friends that I also disagree with on politics, but I still enjoy discussing the subject with them because we can see each other's point of view and disagree without becoming disagreeable, and overall I think we both grow from discussing alternate view points.

I'm not bringing up this difference to say that one way is better than another. I don't need to discuss every subject with every friend that I have. It doesn't matter if it's because we wouldn't disagree in a friendly way or if it's just because we have different passions and the same subjects don't appeal to both my friend and me. My point in bringing this up is that I can choose what to talk about with my friends based on their interests, their passions, and the situation; not just based on my own passions and interests. I think that choice is a good thing.

That brings me to problem I've been feeling about my blog. My blog doesn't give me that same choice as a regular conversation does. My blog isn't individual. In my blog I don't just write to one person and so it's not custom-tailored to how I best communicate with anyone. My blog is written generally to everyone, whether I know them or not, whether they hate me or not. I'm writing simultaneously to my mom and my boss, to the kid that's hated me since the 5th grade and to the friend that lives too far away to in person very often, to my best friend and to the stranger that doesn't know me at all but hates me anyway. Not that those people necessarily read my blog, but they can read it just as easily as someone that I specifically target with any post that I write.

I realize that this is the nature of blogs and of the Internet in general, and for most of my blog's lifespan there's been no problem with that. The most that I've ever had to censor myself with it was to be sure that any references to my crushes were sufficiently disguised that I wouldn't cause myself any public embarrassment. Most of my posts are just silly and stupid, and the worst thing that can happen about someone unexpected reading them is that they won't think I'm as funny as I think I am.

Maybe my life is just different than it once was and that's why my blog has become different, too. If nothing else, my current crush is well-known and she's happy to have me publicly confess it. Maybe the only thing that's really changed is the frequency and passion in recent political discussions. Or maybe nothing's changed at all, and it's just the fact that I'm a multi-faceted person, and that sometimes I want to write about something that I feel more deeply than a burrito. (I mean that metaphorically. I feel burritos all of the way down.)

I think that if I were to have my way then I'd just write about everything that I think and feel, regardless of how personal or controversial or humorous the subject is or isn't. I'd just write open and honestly about myself and all of my facets and not worry about how my reader might judge me. Sometimes that's been fine for me, but I don't know if I'm brave enough to really open myself up to every person that might wander across my blog. I'm afraid of how I might limit my life by doing that. I've realized recently that I can't be open about every facet of myself with every person that I'm friends with. Some people simply aren't comfortable with all of my facets, and unfortunately relationships change or get ruined when they're forced to see me from a point of view that they hadn't previously.

So here I am, at the end of this post, not knowing what to do with my blog and my friends. It'd be nice if I could just separate my digital persona from my real-life image so that I could still use my blog as an outlet for all of my multi-faceted thoughts, or maybe I could separate all of my facets into separate identities and blogs that wouldn't have to collide or interfere with each other. (I could keep just my food-related blogs tied to my real identity, since anyone that looks at me will know that I like food.) I'm afraid it's probably too late for any kind of separation like that for the people that already know me and read my blog, and instead I just feel sad to feel that I've already ruined both my blog and some relationships.

Or maybe I should stop taking the oxycodone so that I can stop feeling so melodramatic about the whole stupid thing.

(I should probably point out that the oxycodone is a joke for the sake of anyone that might think that I'm addicted to painkillers, but the fact that I'd have to point that out just makes me feel like I'm talking in circles.)

150

This is my 150th post. I thought I would waste it by simply announcing that.

New Category

I think I'm going to have to make a new category on Provo Platinum for people who habitually post things that don't make any sense.

Girl Stories

Am I allowed to write about girls on this thing? I get dumped on by enough girls (and vice versa) that I think it would make my blog a lot more interesting if I were allowed to write about all of my drama. The problem with that idea, of course, is that a lot of my friends read this and there's no telling when the girl(s) that I want to gossip about are going to log on and be pissed that I write about them. After all, it was under just such a situation that this page got opened to the public in the first place.

So, this is currently a Blogger-generated page, but I host it on my own server instead of on BlogSpot, right? Well, I checked the stats for my server and it thinks that this page has been getting an average of 30 hits a day from 12 visitors per day. I think it might be broken, because no way are there that many people that visit my site. I don't even know 12 people. Anyway, just in case, if you're one of those 12 people (or some other poor soul that got lost here), leave a comment so I know who you are. Besides, it looks funny to always have that "0 comments" sitting there. Well, actually, I just want to feel popular by having people comment, but play along, ok?

If you pay close attention you'll see that a large percentage of the posts occur at 11:59pm. That's a weird coincidence, huh? Guess why. I'm not going to tell you, you just have to guess. So, I was pretty sure that they (you know the ones, its always them) told me that the application deadline for the Animation program was April 16. Well, they lied. It was April 2. I went in today to pick up an application and they told me that the deadline was Friday. So, I'm awesome. I guess it doesn't matter, because I wasn't planning on majoring in it, really. I just wanted to know if I could get in or not. Maybe I should still apply next year. Or maybe I should just pretend that I would have gotten into it and let it go.

So, I was told today that my blog is sparatic. Which it is, but I just thought maybe it was cool since my life really isn't that exciting and no one really reads this anyway. But, I guess I'll try and make an effort. Maybe if I'm good with my blog then I won't feel guilty for not keeping a journal very well, either. So right now I'm about to fail both of my CS classes. I think I'm doing ok in the others, though, so that's good. If I fail CS240 (which I probably will because I've missed one of the two big projects and its corresponding test) then I'll be taking it for the third time in the fall. And I'm not complaining, it just hurts after a bit.
Old Comments

I keep stealing ideas from Loyd's blog to try and make mine cool, so the newest thing is the little add-your-comment-about-how-awesome-or-lame-I-am link at the bottom of each entry. So, add a comment. I don't know who I'm telling to add comments because no one even knows this site exists, but if some hapless web-surfer ends up here, then this Blog's for you.
Old Comments

Ok, I just got this thing to see how Blogger works and if I could steal some of its ideas for my own website(s), but I kinda like it, so maybe I'll hang onto it.

Hi are you? I'm building a web page.