Worst Place

I think I just gave the worst sacrament meeting talk that's ever been given. Well, maybe not the very worst ever, because at least I didn't say that Jesus couldn't do anything himself because he didn't have a body. I guess mine was the second worst ever. I'm trying to look on the bright side, though. Kelly suggests that maybe this experience will help me be more empathetic towards other people who look like bumbling idiots at the pulpit, but I think that the real silver lining is that the bishopric will think twice before asking me to speak again.

The Israeli Formula

Last Christmas my brother Troy and I went to the mall by our house to look for Christmas presents. As we were walking around checking out the high school girls, we got stopped at one of those booths that they have for businesses that aren't going to last long enough to pay rent. This girl at the booth started telling us about all of these useless accessories that they make for cell phones. I probably wouldn't have listened to her, but she was so hot. She had dark hair and skin, and she had a hip style about her. She had this great accent, too. (We found out that she was from Israel.) Troy and I were totally hypnotized.
After flirting with her for about 20 minutes she convinced me to buy a microphone that clips on to the cell phone so that you can have it play over your car radio. A pretty handy thing, right? I bought three of them.
So this weekend my dad was in town visiting, and we had dinner at University Mall. My dad got stopped by a large breasted woman with pretty eyes at one of the booths. She had a pretty accent, so my dad asked where she was from. Israel. She convinced him to buy some nail care products even though he was embarrassed to be seen holding them. He bought three sets.
The moral of course is that if you have some product that can't sell itself based on its usefulness then all you have to do is put it in the hands of an Israeli girl and someone will buy it. You can at least count on the Casteels.

Lost in the desert

I could have died and been lost in the desert today, and no one would have been the wiser. Consider the following scenario.

I'm driving back from Las Vegas where I went to Jordan and Ariana's wedding reception. I get to St. George and I stop for some gas and some food, and then head on my way. About half-way between St. George and Cedar City, I cross an over-pass, and suddenly my wheel starts rumbling severely. I pull over to the side of the road, and just as I feared, I have a blown-out tire.
I get my spare tire and jack out from the trunk, and start to jack up the car. The road has a slight decline, and the car rolls forward as it raises off the ground, and rolls off the jack. If only I had a brick or cinder block to put in front of the tire to keep it from rolling. I look around the side of the road for a rock to use. The ground to the side of the road slopes down into a tree-covered gully, but on the hill I see a large flat rock, about 5 inches thick. It's a good bet, so I go pick it up. It's really big and heavy, and it's awkward for me to pick up on the hill. I start carrying the rock to the car, but I slip and stumble backward, falling down on the ground. The rock drops hard on my chest, breaking several ribs and puncturing a lung. I pass out as I'm rolling down the hill into the trees. I die a few hours later.
I don't get back to Provo at all that night. My roommates don't think anything of it, because I hardly ever sleep in my own apartment anyway, and this is the second weekend in a row that I've taken a trip without telling them where I'm going. They don't even know I'm gone.
I don't go to Church the next day, but since I have such a hard time waking up every morning anyway, most everyone is used to me sleeping in, and no one is really that surprised that I'm not there, so they don't think anything of it.
Only a few of my friends even know that I've gone to Vegas, but they know that I could stay a few days just as easily as come back today, so they're not really surprised that they don't see me after a few days. Ronnie goes back to Louisiana and never knows if I come back from Vegas or not. All he knows is that I don't answer my Gmail. Jason moves back to Salt Lake and likewise thinks nothing of the fact that he hasn't seen me after a week. Tyler knew that I was gone, but quickly forgets and is just annoyed that I'm not around for him to watch TV at my place. His girlfriend then gets back in town and he stops coming over, so he never realizes that I haven't come back.
The only one of my friends that knows that I've headed back to Provo is Amy Jo. After she's been back in Provo for a few weeks she calls me when she's bored one day, but when I don't return her calls she just writes me off as a jerk and stops calling.
I don't show up to work the next week. No one at work is really surprised, since they're used to me setting my own schedule, working from home, or just taking breaks whenever I feel like it. It takes until the end of the month for them to call, and then they just want to know my new class schedule. I don't give one to them, but they don't worry about since I don't follow a schedule anyway.
Meanwhile the highway patrol finds my car on the highway. They put a notice on it, and when it remains there for a day or two, they assume it's abandoned and impound it. They never even notice my body down in the gully.
My family calls after a week or two, and I don't answer. They just complain about how crappy of a son/brother that they have, and get annoyed with me for never calling them back. After a few months of not hearing from me, they'll call my grandma and see if she's seen me. No one hears from me, and it's not until I don't come home for Christmas that they suspect that something might be wrong, as opposed to me just being a jerk.

This didn't all happen, of course. I did get a flat tire outside of St. George, but I didn't drop the rock and I was able to get back into town and buy a new tire. All in all it took me about 4 hours to get through St. George on my way back home. It is kind of depressing, though, to realize that if something had happened to me that it would have taken 4 months before anyone even started looking for me. Now I know how Bryant feels.

The best of times, the worst of times

I realized yesterday that my best moments are the same as my worst moments. Here's a ranked list of the best and worst things that happened to me yesterday:

1. I saw the girl that I like yesterday. It's the best thing because I like seeing her, and the worst thing because I feel like a tool because nothing's ever going to happen between us.
2. I spent $10 at Taco Bell. It's the best because it was so good, but the worst because I'm ashamed of myself for spending so much money on lunch.
3. I played the soccer accuracy drill in the ward activity. It's the best because it's the first time I've gotten to play soccer since I hurt my leg (details coming soon) and it's the worst because I did really bad and got out in the first round.
4. All we did at work yesterday was watch Star Wars fan films. It's the best because we goofed around all day, and the worst because now I'm going to have to work harder to get my project done in time.

That's all I can think of. It's a neat phenomenon, though, huh?

That's so cute... What's your name again?

There's a girl in my ward that I'm rather fond of, and her roommate plays soccer with us, so I've been going over there rather frequently to invite the roommate to soccer practices and remind her of the games in hopes that I'd be able to talk to this girl that I like. Last night I went over there and the girl I liked wasn't there, so I was sitting around talking with the soccer roommate. Then the girl came home, and when she walked in the door she looked around, and went back to her room without talking to anyone, and didn't come back out. Have I been successful in giving the wrong impression about which roommate I'm interested in?

I'm so strong

I think the most embarrassing part about working out is seeing all of the girls that can lift more than me. Some of them even put weights on the bars. Can you believe it? I'm jealous.

Breaking up

The universe is falling apart. Let me explain:

1. The two most perfect people that I know are in my ward, and they've been dating and everything was beautiful until they unexpectedly broke up. I know its not really any of my business, and so this is kind of stupid, but I feel kind of heartbroken about it. I mean, for one thing, the guy is a friend of mine and I'm sad that it didn't work out for him, but there's more than just empathy going on here: If these two can't make it work out, then what chance do us normal people have?
   
2. The elders' quorum broke up. They split it and made two quorums. I'm not an expert on this, but my understanding is that the upper limit on and elders' quorum is 96 members. Well, I figure that there are a maximum of 24 guys in my building, plus 4 in Continental, so there would have to be 68 guys in the condos and out of ward boundaries to have enough to really split the quorum. What are they thinking?
   
3. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are getting a divorce.

Do I need more evidence? The world is coming to an end.

Girl Stories

Am I allowed to write about girls on this thing? I get dumped on by enough girls (and vice versa) that I think it would make my blog a lot more interesting if I were allowed to write about all of my drama. The problem with that idea, of course, is that a lot of my friends read this and there's no telling when the girl(s) that I want to gossip about are going to log on and be pissed that I write about them. After all, it was under just such a situation that this page got opened to the public in the first place.

A Three

I called the girl that I was supposed to go out with tonight, and she told me that she couldn't because she was too busy studying, and that I should call her next semester. She might as well have told me that her hair is so long now that it takes a few weeks to wash it. I deleted her number from phone. Boy, she'll be sorry come next semester.

I've hardly been to any of my classes this week, and I haven't worked that much, and I can't think of anything important that I've gotten done. Maybe I was on a break. I wish I'd known ahead of time that I was going to be on vacation, though, because then I could have taken a trip or something.

We had our first soccer game yesterday. We did so great: 7-0. Um, well, we were the 0, but you know.... I think I have the lowest endurance of anyone alive: I like run 20 yards and then that's all I can handle and need to get subbed out again. I'm awesome.

I got a new arch-nemesis this week. His name's Dan. I've never actually met him, but he keeps me awake at night.

I have a paper due on Thursday. 5-7 pages. About a single painting. And I haven't even started. I'm a genius. Or retarded. Either way.

I didn't take a shower today.

So I spent all day on this program today, I didn't go to work or to class, and when I went in to pass it off it worked on every file except the one that it was being tested on. Ug. And then, to make it worse, I tried to run it on the near-infinite problem size and it froze my TA's computer. I'm sure she was impressed. I'm awesome, I know.

So, I went to class today. You'd think that'd be a good thing, right? Well, my almost-step-sister had a dinner tonight because she's getting married tomorrow. The dinner was at 7 and I got out of class at 6. So I call my dad when I get home from class to see how I'm supposed to dress for this thing and he gets all mad that I haven't left yet and makes this big deal about how I can't be late to this dinner, and I'm all like, well do you want me to come or what? and he just yelled about being late, so I hung up on him. So, I didn't go to the dinner.

I failed a test tonight. I think I suck at everything. I'm just gonna give up on life and go live under a rock. Or on top of one. I think it'll hurt less. And I'm kind of a wimp.

If you pay close attention you'll see that a large percentage of the posts occur at 11:59pm. That's a weird coincidence, huh? Guess why. I'm not going to tell you, you just have to guess. So, I was pretty sure that they (you know the ones, its always them) told me that the application deadline for the Animation program was April 16. Well, they lied. It was April 2. I went in today to pick up an application and they told me that the deadline was Friday. So, I'm awesome. I guess it doesn't matter, because I wasn't planning on majoring in it, really. I just wanted to know if I could get in or not. Maybe I should still apply next year. Or maybe I should just pretend that I would have gotten into it and let it go.

I totally missed today. Somehow I forgot what day it was, so I missed the drawing class and I missed BBQ Club. Some people might not think that's a big deal, but I blew off classes today and I don't really care, but I'm kind of upset about missing BBQ Club. I also learned that people look at you weird if you wear a stripper shirt.

So, I was told today that my blog is sparatic. Which it is, but I just thought maybe it was cool since my life really isn't that exciting and no one really reads this anyway. But, I guess I'll try and make an effort. Maybe if I'm good with my blog then I won't feel guilty for not keeping a journal very well, either. So right now I'm about to fail both of my CS classes. I think I'm doing ok in the others, though, so that's good. If I fail CS240 (which I probably will because I've missed one of the two big projects and its corresponding test) then I'll be taking it for the third time in the fall. And I'm not complaining, it just hurts after a bit.
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