Proposal for Internet Laws

I read today about a man in Japan that was arrested (in real life) because he cheated in a video game.
Apparently we're setting some kind of trend where virtual crimes can be punished in the real world. As long as that's where we're heading, I've composed a list of laws that need to be understood about any virtual activity.

1. If there are items on the ground in a video game, to pick them up is stealing.
   
2. Killing someone in a video game is murder.
3. Killing someone on your team is treason.
4. Picking to play on the side of the Germans or Russians in a video game is also treason.
5. Development of a game where you can play as the Germans or Russians is considered an act of war against the US.
   
6. The games "Grand Theft Auto" and "Thief" are completely illegal. The publishers and vendors will be prosecuted for entrapment.
   
7. A computer virus is considered a biological weapon, and the creation of a virus will be prosecuted at an international level as the development of weapons of mass destruction.
8. If your computer gets a virus you will be quarantined from the Internet (to prevent you from spreading it by your ignorance).
   
9. Online dating services that charge for membership will be guilty of running a prostitution racket.
   
10. You must have a license to operate an email account. If you cannot forward responsibly, then your email privileges will be forcibly revoked.
    
11. Web pages cannot make noises or play music unless the user requests it by pressing a button. Web pages that automatically play music upon being visited will be prosecuted for disturbing the peace, and the Web pages will be impounded.
    

No hawk

The mohawk had to come off this week, due to legal complications, but it's been a fun experience. Here's some of the responses that I've experienced:

Con

People stare a lot. Sometimes I would forget that I had a mohawk, and I'd just see this guy staring at me and wonder if he knew me or something, or see some girl that just couldn't take her eyes off of me. I'd be pretty sure that she must've wanted me bad, and then I'd remember that I had a haircut.

Pro

I went to the zoo the day after I got the 'hawk, and little kids would stare at me like crazy. They're even more shameless about it than adults, and don't mind staring. They're really nicer about it, though. I think that most of them haven't yet learned to hate people that look different, so they just thought I was interesting or something and I ended up having all of these little kids telling me stories about the snakes and bats that we were looking at. Apparently it's easier to make friends with little kids when you look funny. Maybe clowns should start wearing mohawks.

Pro

A girl in the Detroit airport gave me her phone number and wanted to hook up with me in Vegas. I suppose it's possible that she liked me because of my charm or boyish good looks, but since I don't really get a lot of girls offering me their phone numbers, I'm going to assume that the mohawk was the new thing that encouraged that.

Pro

At the Braves' game in Atlanta I got put on the big screen. When I saw them with their Fan Cam putting people up on the screen, I was pretty sure that I was a shoo-in, so I had Kim get ready, and she got a picture of it as evidence.

Pro

After the game, the lady selling Braves visors liked my haircut and gave me one for free.

Con

At said game, I got really sun-burnt. The loss of a super-power is pretty unfortunate, but let's not dwell on that anymore.

Con

Camille doesn't like me anymore and Kim thought I looked ugly.

Con

The term "WT" was used to describe me on a much more frequent basis (rivaling the frequency with which I actually deserve it).

Pro

My boss, surprisingly, didn't even care. He just took pictures of it and put them on the wall.

???

The bishop didn't express an opinion. He just kept asking, "What happened?" over and over. I didn't really have a good answer for him.

Con

I got pulled over in Nephi on the way back from Las Vegas (where I'm just another one of the many freaks and didn't get any special reactions at all). I was going pretty fast and it was obvious when the cop had seen me, so I pulled right over before he even had to turn his lights on. I would have thought he'd be pretty appreciative of this, but he wasn't pleased with me at all. He even threatened to take me straight in to jail.

It's possible that the last one didn't have anything to do with the mohawk, since I hear that Pete Lattin got arrested in Fillmore just for speeding, and he's a pretty clean-cut guy. I don't imagine that the mohawk helped, though. In fact, just for contrast, consider what happened to me today when I went to court for the same ticket. Today, however, I was mohawk-free and I wore a shirt and tie. The Judge told me to go get my ticket reduced by the DA, despite that I admitted that I deserved the ticket that I got, and the DA cut my fine in half upon hearing that I was a BYU student.
I think that people might treat you different as a mohawk-wearer, but even so, the pro's seem to balance out the con's. I just don't understand why everyone doesn't have mohawks. I guess it's a good thing they don't, or they'd all be super-villains like me.

So I'm driving home from SLC, and there's all of this construction at night, right? So they've been closing the right lane for the past few weeks, and tonight's no different, except that this time I see another sign saying that they're closing the TWO LEFT LANES. Is that even allowed? I don't think they're even supposed to make a sign like that, but they really did and we're doing to ONE lane. Yeah, this is on the freeway. And then, there's another sign saying to merge left because the right lane is closed! Now what am I supposed to do? This is our only lane left! You can't just close this one! Then I got a ticket. See if you can put that together. It doesn't go, I know.