I just saw a sign on a table that said "Thank you for not moving this table."
That was nice of me, thought I.
In fact, I'm doing nice things all of the time, now that I think about it. People are always thanking me for things, like not smoking, not walking on the grass, not feeding the animals....
I might never even go outside again. I bet the nicest thing I could do for society would be to never do anything, and then they'd have all kinds of things to thank me for.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
I can hear you getting fatter
I looked at myself in the mirror today after I had a Twix ice cream bar for the dessert of my second Beto's meal of the day. I think I could see myself getting fatter. I haven't been in front of a mirror for a few hours, but at the rate I was going, I should look about like this by now.
The Life and Death of the Darth Cannon
A little over a month ago my ward had a dumb activity in which I didn't want to participate. So, instead of going to the activity, Tyler and I built a gun.
My friend Ryan and I had built a potato gun in high school, and I think Tyler had done the same, so we both knew the basic operations and what we needed. At the hardware store, we discovered that this is not only a very common practice, but that they don't necessarily like helping with this, so they don't readily sell the parts that we needed. We ended up compromising and making due with what they had, but in the process, we developed a new kind of potato cannon.
The Darth Cannon TM had a fail-safe. In the event that the pressure in the chamber was too high, instead of breaking the combustion chamber, it would blow-off the barrel to relieve the pressure. We were invincible. We couldn't hurt ourselves with this.
So, as any good college students who had built a gun, Tyler and I did science experiments on it. (I bet you thought we were going to use it to break things, huh?) We took it to the baseball field and measured the distances it traveled with different fuel-filling styles, until we'd figured out how to best use the Darth Cannon.
Unfortunately, the Darth Cannon met its end this weekend. We'd gone up the canyon to sit around a bonfire, and I'd gotten bored. So, naturally, I pulled the Darth Cannon out of my trunk (where everyone keeps their home-made guns) and loaded it up. I readjusted the barrel because it had gotten a little crooked in my trunk, but I guess I didn't tighten it up enough afterwards. When I shot it, instead of the potato flying out, the barrel itself shot off. This was good, of course, because it proved that my fail-safe would work, but in all of the excitement, I kind of broke off the trigger ignition that we'd put on it.
My friend Ryan and I had built a potato gun in high school, and I think Tyler had done the same, so we both knew the basic operations and what we needed. At the hardware store, we discovered that this is not only a very common practice, but that they don't necessarily like helping with this, so they don't readily sell the parts that we needed. We ended up compromising and making due with what they had, but in the process, we developed a new kind of potato cannon.
The Darth Cannon TM had a fail-safe. In the event that the pressure in the chamber was too high, instead of breaking the combustion chamber, it would blow-off the barrel to relieve the pressure. We were invincible. We couldn't hurt ourselves with this.
So, as any good college students who had built a gun, Tyler and I did science experiments on it. (I bet you thought we were going to use it to break things, huh?) We took it to the baseball field and measured the distances it traveled with different fuel-filling styles, until we'd figured out how to best use the Darth Cannon.
Unfortunately, the Darth Cannon met its end this weekend. We'd gone up the canyon to sit around a bonfire, and I'd gotten bored. So, naturally, I pulled the Darth Cannon out of my trunk (where everyone keeps their home-made guns) and loaded it up. I readjusted the barrel because it had gotten a little crooked in my trunk, but I guess I didn't tighten it up enough afterwards. When I shot it, instead of the potato flying out, the barrel itself shot off. This was good, of course, because it proved that my fail-safe would work, but in all of the excitement, I kind of broke off the trigger ignition that we'd put on it.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
For Loyd
I found out today why everyone was such jerks to you at CompUSA. (Not that you personally would have done anything like this; Maybe it's a statement about the organization itself.)
I went in to get a wireless router, because they had a really good sale on them today, and they were dirt cheap after the rebates. I decided to get three of them. (Seriously, they were really cheap.) So I got all rung up and everything, and when the rebates printed out, they only gave me one rebate form. I told the girl that I needed 3 of the forms, and then she tells me that I only get one rebate per household. Did it say this on the price tag on the shelf advertising the rebate? No. Did the sales person that went and got the things from the back tell me? Even though I made a big deal about how cheap they were and how I should just get a bunch of them at that price? No. He didn't say anything. And of course the cashier also didn't say anything until I complained about not having enough rebate forms. So, then they had to go through this big thing to return two of the routers, acting the whole time like it was my fault for making them do this.
Would it have really been that hard to just be up front with me about the deal in the first place? That's why people are mean when they go in there.
I went in to get a wireless router, because they had a really good sale on them today, and they were dirt cheap after the rebates. I decided to get three of them. (Seriously, they were really cheap.) So I got all rung up and everything, and when the rebates printed out, they only gave me one rebate form. I told the girl that I needed 3 of the forms, and then she tells me that I only get one rebate per household. Did it say this on the price tag on the shelf advertising the rebate? No. Did the sales person that went and got the things from the back tell me? Even though I made a big deal about how cheap they were and how I should just get a bunch of them at that price? No. He didn't say anything. And of course the cashier also didn't say anything until I complained about not having enough rebate forms. So, then they had to go through this big thing to return two of the routers, acting the whole time like it was my fault for making them do this.
Would it have really been that hard to just be up front with me about the deal in the first place? That's why people are mean when they go in there.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
On not sleeping
When I wake up in the morning I'm always tired and I hate getting up, no matter how early I went to bed the night before. I stay tired for about an hour or so, and then by the time I'm up and doing things, I'm not tired anymore.
The same thing happens when I don't sleep. I get really tired in the early morning hours, around 7 am (which is really the earliest morning hours that exist for me, since times before that are part of my night schedule, not morning). Then by about 10 am, I'm not tired anymore, and I go about my day the same as I would normally, and the lack of sleep doesn't even affect me.
Some people think that if you don't sleep one night then the next night you'll be so tired that you'll just fall right asleep. Not so. Once your day starts and you get over being sleepy, then you've passed the point of no return. You've lost those sleep hours, and you can't catch up on them by sleeping more the next night.
Despite all of these things against me, I have finally found the one thing that can make me fall asleep at any time, regardless of how much sleep I've already had:
Class.
The same thing happens when I don't sleep. I get really tired in the early morning hours, around 7 am (which is really the earliest morning hours that exist for me, since times before that are part of my night schedule, not morning). Then by about 10 am, I'm not tired anymore, and I go about my day the same as I would normally, and the lack of sleep doesn't even affect me.
Some people think that if you don't sleep one night then the next night you'll be so tired that you'll just fall right asleep. Not so. Once your day starts and you get over being sleepy, then you've passed the point of no return. You've lost those sleep hours, and you can't catch up on them by sleeping more the next night.
Despite all of these things against me, I have finally found the one thing that can make me fall asleep at any time, regardless of how much sleep I've already had:
Class.
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