I have an attribute which some people find quite distasteful about me. The nicest way this has been described is that I am "honest to a fault." (It's definitely been described in less-friendly terms.) A good friend of mine once said to me, "Don't tell me your opinion. You're too honest."
I don't like the "white lies" that people tell others because they'd rather tell a person something that will make them feel good than tell them the truth. I think that lying in any form is wrong, and even though it sometimes means telling people what they don't want to hear and what their other friends won't say to them, I haven't felt guilty about that.
Unfortunately, I recently realized that I haven't been as honest as I'd thought. I have no problem telling the truth to someone when it's something bad about them, but I have a much harder time telling someone what I really think or feel when it's something good. I hardly ever tell my friends how much I care about them or admire them; instead I pretend that I'm indifferent to such things. It's like if it's someone else's ego on the line, then I'm perfectly willing to be honest, but if it's my own ego on the line (maybe for embarrassment or fear of rejection or fear of commitment or whatever it is that prevents me from saying nice things to people that I care about), then I hide my real opinions.
I'm a much worse type of liar than all of the people that tell their "white lies," because I tell lies that keep me from telling someone how much I appreciate them. I'm a liar that protects my own feelings instead of those of others.
7 comments:
I've done a lot of thinking about the ethical implications of the "white lies" and I don't think they are always wrong. However, there is a fine line. I should write a book about my findings.
Wow,B. I am impressed that you are admitting this. I know we have kind of had this discussion before...even though you don´t necessarily have to tell someone that you love them, its still nice to tell them that you appreciate them/their friendship, whatever.
Good thing it's almost valentine's day. Then you'll have an excuse to run around telling all your friends how much you love them. I'll help you make some pretty cards with hearts on them if you want to take that approach. Or cards with dinosaurs, whichever you prefer.
Sissy.
Bryant, you may already know this, but your honesty-to-a-fault-ness is basically one of the reasons why you're one of my favorite people :) All gushing aside.... isn't it intersting about the other edge of that sword. I think you've made a brilliant observation, and thanks for telling all of us, so that we can be smarter too :)
AND you prob already know THIS, but I think that's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time! (maybe)
I think you should make another cool homemade second grade type looking card for your sick grandma. Thems are the best kind. In reference to your actual post, honesty is something to always be appreciated. Honesty is how we quit playing all the games and get on with our lives.
Excellent point. But in cases where there is an unpleasant truth in question, you always have the option of silence, and sometimes--not always--that is the best way to get everyone out alive.
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