At the end of last semester Stefani started making "Top Ten" lists for everyone. They were basically just her ordered lists of who she thought each person should go for. I know these things are silly and pointless, but they're kind of exciting and fun, too, so I got caught up in it.
After I made my own ordered list, though, I used a lottery technique that I learned in my Artificial Intelligence class to give a utility to each person on the list. That's a nerdy way of saying that I tried to come up with how much I liked each girl. I did this by imagining that I was dating a certain girl on the list (girl A), and I would then think what odds I would need with the girl one position higher than her on my list (girl B) before I would break up with girl A in order to take a change with girl B. Those odds are then used to quantify how much one girl is preferred to another.
(Don't think that it's inappropriate for me to apply math in this way. It's definitely nerdy, but not objectifying. It's basically the same games as MASH and other silly things that we did when we were little, it's just that now that I'm a grown-up nerd I have more high-tech ways of playing the game.)
As I was doing this I realized that my ordering had been off (and this is really the point of the story). I got to one girl, and as I was thinking what it would take for me to give her up for a chance with another girl (who I had been actively pursuing at the time), I realized that if I were dating this first girl, I wouldn't give her up for any odds with any girl. The only reason that she'd been farther down my list was because I didn't (and don't) think that I had good odds with her at all. It's almost unimaginable for her to actually like me, and so I was unwilling to admit to myself how much I liked her. Is that normal? Healthy? And what do I do with those feelings now that I've discovered them? Do I keep suppressing them, or do I embrace it, even though it's bound to disappoint me?
20 comments:
I'm soooo curious right now.
And by that I mean depressed.
first of all, B you never let me make a top ten list for you...and in my own defense I do give my subjects some input.
What are you saying, Stef? Are you saying that it's my own fault for making my own list instead of using yours?
just ask her to marry you
just kidding.
I say, if you're going to regret not doing anything, than do something.Maybe compare the best and worst case scenarios of both embracing and suppressing.
If it's going to bug you than embrace it, just for the sake of changing things up, even if it's miserable, but then if it's that bad you just move on and like someone else.
I agree with bec, but we've had this arguement before - I'm not sure why you're still looking for people to back you up on being a wuss... But what I really want to say is... don't you realize that a hypothetical dating relationship is about the most ridiculous thing ever? How can you hypothesize about someone else's free will? Maybe she's crazy... you don't know...
oh wait, I forgot - it's just a game...right?
Vox: I don't know what you're talking about. What's a "hypothetical dating relationship"?
Yall are talking too much. B, just give up.
Yeah, you're right, this is dumb. I'll just forget about the whole thing.
sorry i'm a little late in the game, but this is in response to B earlier: No that's not what I was trying to say, but that sure is a good idea. And maybe yours got screwed up because you tried to put a quantitative value on your affection. In fact I remember when I used your system my top ten was all messed up too.
the hypothetical relashionship is you imagining dating girl A, B etc... and what it would take for you to give her up for a chance with girl C, etc. And there is absolutely NO way to know that. Just kidding , there is ONE way to know that. Living it. And keeping quiet is not to going to make it happen. At least if you say something your chance is 50/50.
but that crush calculator sounds fascinating.....
1. I don't think that it's ridiculous at all to imagine being with someone.
2. It's true that the idea of thinking now about how whether I would give up one girl for another is tainted, because when you're actually in a relationship with someone your feelings for them are way different. So you're right that I won't know how I feel about her in a relationship until I am in one with her, but that's not the point of imagining it. The point of that is to think about how I feel about the girl now.
3. The odds are not 50/50. Just because there are only two options does not mean that the distribution is uniform.
4. I'll send you the calculator.
ok, ok! Point#2 well taken. And you're right about point #3, because even after she responds.. you never know...
And what about point #4? Do you dispute it?
I never tried the crush calculator, but it seems like a digital crystal ball to me. Did you try it? what did it say?
From now on you are no longer allowed to like a girl until you have been on at least two dates with her.
That's a good rule, but I don't think it'd help this time. Maybe you should just cut off that sentence before the word "until," and that can be the rule.
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